I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
