Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
