can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
