i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
