apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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