So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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