Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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