And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
