I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
