omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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