yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
