Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
