I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
