i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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