Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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