He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i now understand why vodka
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
