Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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