Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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