You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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