Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He kissed a someone with a penis
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
