The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
