We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
