Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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