Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
