I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
