She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
