Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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