A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
