it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
