Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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