hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
