He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
