i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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