why im i the only drunk person in the library?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
