16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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