I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
