apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
