just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
