pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
