Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
