I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
