If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize