And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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