Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
