when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
