i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
