is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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