just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
