Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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