i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
