Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
