Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
