Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
