I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
