Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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