let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
