Pappa wants mamma naked
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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