Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
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I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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