If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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