Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
