Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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