i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
