My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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