Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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