My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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