loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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