my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Welp...herpes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
