i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
