Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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