somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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