the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
