how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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